What a load of rubbish!

Orient crashed out of this year’s FA Cup following a disgraceful home defeat against an utterly inept Tranmere Rovers side. I honestly can’t find the appropriate invective to properly describe the display, which took place in front of Orient’s lowest ever FA Cup crowd. If euthanasia was legal, I’d help each and every one of the players out of their misery. They clearly don’t want to be professional footballers, they clearly don’t want to play for this manager, and they clearly don’t want to play for this football club. The whole place is dying on it’s ‘arris, and I think I’ll write the rest of this report in my own blood which, believe me, will be far more enjoyable than watching the game was.

Ah yes, the game. I’ve been trying to avoid a completely emotional reaction to it by delaying writing this match report, but I can feel the bile rising at the back of my throat already. It was the worst home performance since the 4-1 defeat at home to Cheltenham under Paul Brush. Believe it or not, Orient were the better side throughout, but despite having over 60% of possession and being faced with opponents who can’t tackle, pass, run, head or shoot, they forced Rovers keeper Luke Daniels into just one save worthy of the name all game.

When they had the ball, Orient – devoid of both the invention and the pace to unlock Tranmere’s defence – simply passed it around in front of the away side until they gave away a throw in or crossed the ball over the bar. For their part, Tranmere either passed the ball to an Orient player or hoofed it upfield to Glenn Morris. It was akin to watching the worst tennis match you’ve ever seen, with both sides just hitting the ball to each other before someone sent one off the side (never, of course, into the net).

Sean Thornton had the game’s first proper attempt, as he passed the ball straight to Luke Daniels around five minutes before half time. Shortly afterwards, Scott McGleish passed a near post header wide of the goal and some of the crowd nearly woke up. Tranmere’s first proper pass came just after half time, as Ash Taylor passed the ball over the bar from 25 yards.

Excitement reached fever pitch shortly after the hour mark as the one decent move of the game saw sub Ryan Jarvis released on the right edge of the area. With Daniels scrambling across to get into position, the situation needed a little composure from the forward who had most of the goal to aim at. Composing himself, Ryan passed the ball accurately at Daniels when other, lesser players would never have been able to find the keeper.

Following that miss the mood around Brisbane Road capitulated still further as the feckless, clueless O’s tried to work out what they were supposed to do with the spherical white thing that they’re getting paid £1,500 a week (and the rest..) to know what to do with. Perhaps the clowns could do the decent thing and use those wages to give everyone who paid to get in their money back? But I digress… Charlie Barnett passed an effort goalwards with 10 minutes to go, as Tranmere threatened to pretend that they weren’t playing for a 0-0 draw and penalties all along. Sadly their wish didn’t come true, as a fluent Tranmere move by four Orient players resulted in the winner with five minutes remaining.

Cyprus midfielder Jason Demetriou was brought down in the centre circle, but ref Andy Woolmer played a good advantage as Orient broke with a dangerous-looking 3-on-3. Four seconds and a petulant kick out from Demetriou later he had – correctly – brought play back and awarded a free kick to Tranmere instead. For reasons best known to himself, Ben Chorley chose to duck under Shaleum Logan’s aimless, high punt from the resultant set piece. Behind him, Captain Marvel Stephen Purches had lost Ash Taylor who proceeded to strike the ball at goal. Glenn Morris, so impressive in recent games, weakly palmed the ball into the net via the inside of the post. Tranmere, scorers of a whole three goals away from Prenton Park this season, celebrated with the appropriate amount of glee (which is the sort of glee a four year old takes from scoring against his complicit dad in the back garden), and Orient were a beaten side.

Adrian Patulea was belatedly introduced, but he could make no impression on proceedings. The home team did manage to get the ball in the net, but only by virtue of Sean Thornton pushing Luke Daniels over and into the goal. Five yard passes went astray, hopeful punts were either miscontrolled or sailed over the forward’s heads. Not that it matters, as they wouldn’t have scored anyway. It’s now 7 games since a striker scored a goal, and we might as well be playing Mkandawire up front with McGleish. There’s no way he could do any worse!

Still, never mind eh, lads? It’s not like the club needs the money from a Cup run. It’s not like the fans could do with you actually playing well once this decade (that already happened when we beat Forest at the City Ground three years ago). It’s not like 85% of you are out of contract at the end of the season, and heading for the dole queue. And it’s not like there isn’t another game coming up when you can turn this whole sorry slide around. Apparantly the team we’re up against this weekend has only won one away game in the League and only scored three goals away from Prenton Park. Should walk it, eh? Take some tips of Scowcroft – that man knows how to walk during a game.


As I’m running out of claret I’ll end by saying that I’m not the only one that’s been sharpening knives, as the Mark Anthony’s of the crowd are slowly honing their blades for gaffer Geraint Williams, who has managed to go from hero to villain in a spectacularly short period of time. For the first time during his tenure there was open rebellion in the stands as ‘What a load of rubbish’ (an understatement) and ‘Are you watching Barry Hearn?’ (no, and he doesn’t care) rang out through the empty ground. £22 to watch that complete pile of steaming effluence? Why the hell would anyone want to pay that sum of money to watch either of those sides? Every last paying customer last night was there out of blind loyalty, force of habit or a heady combination of both. I don’t even want to use my season ticket on Saturday because the £2.20 tube fare isn’t worth it. Every last little thing about this side and this football club is a complete waste of time, and the sooner Hearn, Williams (whose position will surely become untenable should we lose at home to Tranmere twice in a week) and around half the players get the hell out of E10 the better.

Player Ratings

Glenn Morris 2
Had nothing to do all game apart from field Charlie Barnett’s long range drive and palm Ash Taylor’s weak effort into the net. Expect Jamie Jones to return for Saturday’s game.

Stephen Purches 0
Never threatened by Tranmere in open play, but hardly overlapped. Allowed his man to get the wrong side for the winner for the second game in a row. Captain my rotund, hairsuite rectum. Go away.

Charlie Daniels 1
Got forward slightly more effectively than Purches. Nothing to do in defence, but appalling in possession.

Ben Chorley 1
Headed away Tranmere’s aimless hoofs all day, but partially at fault for the goal after ducking under the free kick. Getting dragged down to typical Orient standards after a great start.

Tamika Mkandawire 3
Defensively as classy as ever, but seems to have taken a liking to aimlessly hoofing the ball out of play. Still, I wouldn’t trust the midfield with the ball either.

Sean Thornton 1
Had a couple of efforts, but yet another player who did the square root of nothing in possession of the ball. Had the chance to play the forwards in on more than one occasion, but dismally failed to do so.

JJ Melligan 0
Did absolutely, completely and utterly nothing of any note. Anonymous, appalling, ineffective, inept… *goes to check thesaurus*… insignificant, limited, pathetic, clowntastic drivel. Go away.

Adam Chambers 4
Hey, I know! Let’s let the guy playing his first 90 minutes of the season do all the work! Ran around a lot, and did his usual excellent tidying up work. Tried to prompt the team, but that’s what everyone else is in the side for, right? RIGHT SEAN, JASON, JJ?

Scott McGleish 2
Can’t fault the effort, but he looked shattered after half an hour. Fed off scraps, though there were signs that he and Scowcroft are linking up slightly more effectively. Not much he tried came off, though.

James Scowcroft 3
Well, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but he was probably our best attacking player. He was still cack, but he was better than the utter excrement around him. Won a lot of headers, some of which were even flicked on to other Orient players. Almost ran once too.

Jason Demetriou -12
Not content with being the single worst player on the pitch, international superstar Demetriou also contrived to cost Orient the game with yet another display of childish, pathetic petulance. Wave goodbye to ever playing above League One you brainless muppet.

Ryan Jarvis 3
Had Orient’s only proper effort of the game. Tried hard, but lacks the necessary quality. Still, I’m sure he’ll be nearly adequate in League Two next year.

Adrian Patulea n/a
Brought on far too late to have any effect on the game.